


(20cm) apart

by sunkist (shadowkissed)



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Ex-Boyfriends, Fluff, Lots of skinships, M/M, Mild Angst, Probably not the ending you want to see, indulgent writing, lapselock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-04
Updated: 2020-03-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:33:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23011807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowkissed/pseuds/sunkist
Summary: beomgyu can't live with the concept of not touching soobin's hand
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Choi Soobin
Comments: 9
Kudos: 84





	(20cm) apart

in a lifetime, there is this someone you're always drawn to no matter what. 

it starts off from a single touch, which becomes a comfort and familiarity; something that reminds you of going home after a long day and burrowing yourself under your blanket. then you will gravitate towards that source of warmth like moths to lamps. hands naturally finding their way around a waist and fingers made to lock with each other. 

for beomgyu, that person is choi soobin. 

they were best friends before anything else. days of sharing homeworks, skipping classes, and running away from teachers marked the highlight of their friendship. even through a hard time, they would somehow find themselves tangled with each other in laughter. 

as they were best friends, the touches were something normal. hugs and hand holds were the bare minimum. after the first time they held hands to run away from an angry teacher, it became harder  _ not _ to hold hands. 

at random times, beomgyu's hand would find its way into soobin's. one time it was in the class with an on-going lesson. soobin fell asleep with his head on his desk and beomgyu was bored out of his mind. 

he did the only thing that felt right at that moment, placing his hand on top of soobin's and lacing their fingers together through the back of soobin's hand. his hand was smaller and the difference just brought a smile to his lips. 

when soobin woke up, he turned his hand and locked their hands together properly. 

it just went further from there. once they realized that they did not mind excessive contact with each other, they naturally started to do more. 

their friends mentioned how odd it was. 

_ friends don't hold hands. friends don't bite each other. friends don't sit on each others lap.  _

pissed off at the limitations, beomgyu one day sat himself down on soobin's lap, pressing a kiss right on his mouth. 

"let's stop being friends. I don't like it." he announced then. 

soobin was too busy being flustered to notice the implications, but he got it the moment beomgyu took his hand and pressed another kiss to his lips. it was not the fleeting one like their first kiss, but one that stole his breath. that’s when he knew what beomgyu wanted; just from the cotton-soft connection of their lips. 

"boyfriend?" soobin whispered once they parted, a pretty flush on his cheeks. 

"boyfriend."

and it stayed even after they broke up. 

while beomgyu's heart was hollow from the feelings and excitement of their early days of being in a relationship, his hands were always longing for a place on soobin's body. 

they separated in good terms, just so they could keep staying in their friend circle. in college, your network wasn't limited to your best friend alone, after all. 

everyone knew that they broke up, relieved to see that they were still smiling at each other and not grabbing at each other's throat. but everyone also witnessed how soobin and beomgyu's hands were still gravitating towards each other.

just like how soobin's hand found its way around beomgyu's waist to pull him close whenever they had to cross the road, beomgyu's hand was always seeking for soobin's whenever they walked side by side in the halls. 

it took them a few weeks to realize that they had to stop doing it, because their friends started to wonder if they had gone back together. but it couldn't be, because soobin had started dating again and beomgyu didn't have anything left to feel for the latter.

they have burned out all the feelings throughout the years. funny how feelings seemed like a trivial thing, so easy to burn out, while it took them a lot to familiarize themselves with the concept of not touching. 

what remained is the trace of longing in beomgyu's hand whenever he ran his hand over the empty spot on his bed. if he closed his eyes, he could still feel soobin next to him, just like every other day for years. it also remained in the tips of his fingers, urging him to reach out for soobin when the latter moved away from him. 

because soobin would never leave him alone back then, not even to go to the bathroom or the teachers office. he would always turn around with that gentle smile of his and asked  _ "come with me, beom?" _

one time he didn't stop himself quickly enough, he extended his hand to grab the hem of soobin's shirt, halting his step away from the cafeteria table. the puzzled look from soobin made him shrink in his seat. 

_ "please don't leave me,"  _ was what he meant to say, but what came out was "don't forget to pay me back for lunch." 

and at rare times (now) that soobin touched him, running his fingers along his wrist or wrapping his arm around his shoulder, beomgyu hoped he would keep the contact. soobin always caught himself so quickly, though, taking his hands away and laughing it off as if it was a leftover joke from the old times. 

one time beomgyu didn't laugh along, and he almost regretted it upon seeing the elder’s face fell, followed by a look of understanding on his face. soobin promised him that he would stop. beomgyu hoped that the pained look in soobin’s eyes meant  _ something _ , a sign.

beomgyu's hand itched to reach for him again, to take his hand and tell him  _ not _ to stop. that he  _ needed _ soobin's hands on him just as much as he needed to have his hands on the latter. 

instead, he dug his nails on his palms and bit down on his lower lip, smiling in a bitter way when soobin waved goodbye to him. 

because this was their new reality: soobin would always walk away from him and his hands would find their way around another waist, or his hand locked with someone else's hand. he was not going to run his fingers through beomgyu's hair anymore and he was not going to cup beomgyu's cheeks to tell him that everything would be okay. 

just where did they go wrong? when did physical needs stop being enough for them to stay together? 

and most importantly, when will choi beomgyu ever admit that the hollowness he felt in his chest was because of the longing for what they had? 

**Author's Note:**

> wrote this because [they can't stop holding hands](https://twitter.com/ssoogyu/status/1234478404134670338) and it's supposed to be fluffy but then I got sleepy and it went wrong so quickly


End file.
